Money Talks: How LGBTQ+ Couples Can Strengthen Communication & Build a Better Retirement

TPIR Ep 79 Full Show.mp3: Audio automatically transcribed by Sonix

TPIR Ep 79 Full Show.mp3: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Speaker1:
Any examples used are for illustrative purposes only, and do not take into account your particular investment objectives, financial situation or needs and may not be suitable for all investors. It is not intended to predict the performance of any specific investment, and is not a solicitation or recommendation of any investment strategy.

Speaker2:
Welcome to Take Pride in Retirement, the podcast dedicated to helping members of the LGBTQ+ community protect and grow their hard earned money. Get set for a show full of education and insights with your host and advisor, Matt McClure. We recognize every family is unique. The goal of the show is to help you achieve financial freedom so you and your loved ones can have the retirement you've always dreamed of, a retirement you can take pride in. No matter who you are, where you're from, or who you love. So now let's start the show. Here's Matt McClure.

Speaker1:
Hello and welcome to another edition of Take Pride in Retirement. Matt McClure here with you, your host, your advisor, your friend, your pal, and your confidant. Thanks so much for being a part of things. Hey, it was just The Golden Girls 40th anniversary is a special thing going on with that. And since I referenced them every week in the intro and every episode in the intro, uh, I just wanted to mention that happy anniversary to to our girls. Um, but yes, you are listening to the show where I don't spend too much time talking about the Golden Girls, although it does seep in. Uh, but I talk about finances specific to the LGBTQ+ community and, uh, some different issues revolving around it. You know, it's helping you whether you're an individual or couple or whatever your situation might be, protect, grow, and really, truly take pride in the retirement that you're going to have, that retirement that you're building for the future. So, you know, that's what the show is all about. And as we go through today, I want you to get a lot out of this because we're talking about money conversations. Obviously, I'm having kind of a one sided money conversation with you right now. Usually conversations two way street, right. And I want to talk today specifically about how LGBTQ+ couples and families of all shapes and sizes can communicate more clearly when it comes to money, when it comes to those finances, when it comes to retirement planning, long term decisions as well, these these kind of money conversations can really make or break things when it comes to your retirement.

Speaker1:
And for LGBTQ+ folks, you know, communication is even more important because our families and experiences look different, as I've alluded to, than kind of the traditional mold. It's usually about, you know, the husband and the wife and the two and a half kids, the cat and the dog and the house with the white picket fence and all of those things. That's not the LGBTQ plus community and all of our different shapes and sizes and all the things. So we're going to be talking about that with a theme of it being about no shame, no judgment, just just really clarity, empowerment and some tools that you can start using today. Before we jump in, uh, I wanted to say if you and your partner or whomever are realizing that you could use a little help getting on the same page financially, that is what I'm here for. Not just on the show, but each and every day. It's what I do for people, um, just like you. For people who are just looking for that clarity and for people who want to, you know, have a retirement that they can take pride in, that's really what I'm here for. Schedule a free initial consultation. Just give me a call 855246 9211 (855) 246-9211 or go to take pride in retirement comm. Again, it's a conversation. It's not a commitment. And you know it might just give you the clarity that you've been looking for. All right. So let's start with something that we always start with here. And that is our financial wisdom. Quote of the week.

Speaker3:
And now for some financial wisdom. It's time for the quote of the week.

Speaker1:
This quote really is what inspired me to do this topic for this show. I ran across it this week and I was like, yeah, I gotta, I gotta do this. It's from George Bernard Shaw. And it is. Quote. The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. George Bernard Shaw wise, wise words there. Um, it's really like just so appropriate for this episode. But it's also very true because if you think that you've communicated clearly but the other person doesn't understand, or if you just haven't communicated at all, and you kind of assume that the other person understands, I don't know, through osmosis or something. What you're you're intending them to do or say or be or whatever. If you haven't communicated that, if you haven't done clearly and if the other person hasn't understood it, even if you have, if you feel like you've communicated it clearly, if there's a breakdown somewhere along the line, it's going to be a problem. And that is really what the show is all about this time around. Let's let's focus on that sort of foundational thing to start off with, LGBTQ+ couples often bring very different financial histories into their relationships. This is true for a lot of folks, but it tends to be true, at least in my personal experience with LGBTQ+ people as well. Even more so.

Speaker1:
And that matters a lot, right? You know, some of us may have grown up in families where we weren't accepted, and that meant becoming financially independent, figuring things out on our own far earlier than other people. Others moved, maybe for safety. They changed careers. Suddenly having to deal with different things like workplace discrimination that affected income and stability. And, you know, some people may have been estranged from families altogether. That's that's definitely a common theme, especially among the generation that I'm a part of and older up here. So, you know, when two people in our community come together, they really do bring all sorts of experiences with them and the resilience, the strength that comes with that, but also the fears and the potentially, you know, financial wounds that come along with that and may still be kind of unresolved or unhealed. And then there's the way that, you know, roles from form, rather in LGBTQ+ relationships, you know, it's common for one partner to kind of be the financial partner or the, I guess, the financial parent in a way, like the bill payer, the planner, the organizer, and the other becomes like the financial passenger in the in the back seat of the car, you know, maybe trying to backseat drive every once in a while and not like I speak from experience on that one or anything. Uh, but trying to just, uh, go along for the ride, I guess. And often unintentionally, this happens.

Speaker1:
It's not something that you go into and say, okay, I'm the driver, you're the passenger, and that's the way it's going to be. It sometimes happens without ever even noticing it. You know? It's just happens. And part of that comes from our history. You know, before marriage equality, for example, a lot of couples kept their finances separate because they had to. And sometimes that habit has just carried forward. And so, you know, a lot of people choose to be partnered instead of married and keep a lot of the financial things separate. If that's what you want to do that, that's fine. But you have to realize it comes with its own set of worries and problems and hurdles to overcome. And you can't overcome them. Right? So what's the result of this differing background that a lot of people come from or these differing backgrounds? A lot of people come from. One is uneven communication, right? You don't communicate effectively. Uneven responsibility. One person taking on all or most of the financial responsibility. The other person taking on none or just a little bit. And then uneven confidence about the future. The person who does all the financial planning and all the finances in general, may be much more confident in the future than the other person, because they don't know what's going on. The good news, though, is you can fix it, right? It's not just a problem. I'm not here just to rain down problems on you.

Speaker1:
I am here to tell you what problems could possibly be there and say, here's how to fix them. It all starts, though, with acknowledging that it's the case that the communication Munication has not been there and why? And you've got to acknowledge that past so that you can plan for the future. Right. And so if you're listening to this right now and you're thinking, okay, that's that sounds like me or that sounds like us, do not worry because you are not alone at all. I've run across this many, many times, and a great first step is sitting down with somebody who understands LGBTQ, plus people who understands financial dynamics that take place in LGBTQ plus households. And that's why I offer this free initial consultation to you, just, you know, for listening to the show, for reaching out to help you get organized, get aligned with your partner, with your spouse, with your family, and feel confident. All you have to do is call 85524692 11 (855) 246-9211 or visit. Take pride in retirement. And let's have this conversation to get us started here and get started having the conversations that you haven't been able to have on your own. And we can do that together, right? So how can LGBTQ+ couples improve money communication? This is where it kind of gets practical, right? Improving money communication doesn't have to be stressful. It can actually bring you closer. You know, a lot of people may say, oh, I'm going to avoid money conversations to begin with, because whenever I've had these money conversations in the past, it's always led to an argument or whatever.

Speaker1:
It doesn't have to be that way, right? It can actually bring you closer together because you can understand each other more. You can get aligned with each other's priorities and all of those things. So the one way to kind of start is sharing that money origin story. And this is really a way to build a lot of understanding, right. It kind of has to do with what I was just talking about, where each partner sort of explains where they come from from a money standpoint, how much money, uh, you know, your family sort of had, how that money was handled in your family, um, experiences with any discrimination or instability when it comes to your job or your money in general, you know what financial independence means to you and means to your partner. And what is your biggest money fear? Chances are it could be running out of money in retirement. That tends to be it. When we look at different surveys and things over the years, and when you understand your partner's money story, that kind of origin story, it's like the prequel to your relationship, right? You think about it as a as a movie. It's the prequel to your relationship. You're going back and you're seeing the origin story.

Speaker1:
How did this person become this person? Um, when you understand that, you understand them a lot better. And so after you do that, after you get that sort of baseline understanding. One thing to do is to maybe schedule monthly or maybe bimonthly, whatever. Money dates. Yeah, not something that's like a stiff formal meeting. Or sit down and let's have a PowerPoint presentation, folks, and all that kind of stuff. No, I'm talking about, like sitting down with a glass of wine, maybe some music in a comfortable setting, and then you calmly talk about what finances look like and how things are going to, uh, go over the next month or however long. Um, so maybe, like, talk about what you spent this month, what your upcoming expenses are, any financial wins that you've had? Oh, well, our, you know, our, uh, retirement account for one K or IRA, whatever, that did really well in, uh, our investment portfolio this month. That's great. That's a big financial win. Or, you know, we we needed this thing, this XYZ thing. And I was able to find it for 50% off. That's a financial win as well. If it's something that you absolutely needed, if it's something that you didn't need, even though it was 50% off, you were still spending 100% more money than you should have spent on it. But you can also talk about anything that feels overwhelming. Get that stuff off of your chest and just do this once a month at, you know, at least, uh, or however, you know, periodically you want to do it.

Speaker1:
And that really can build a comfort level with talking about these things. Yeah, money conversations can be difficult and they can be emotional and all of that. But with the right in the right sort of setting and with the right attitude going in, you can make things so much easier. You can also use the yours, mine and ours approach because, you know, LGBTQ+ couples will often struggle with some pretty unique long term questions like where is it safest or most comfortable to retire? Um, health care concerns, right? Including maybe gender affirming care if that is something that you need in your life. Maybe supporting aging parents or aging chosen family, how caregiving roles really were going to are going to work later on in life. A lot of times, and I've run across this several times as well, there may be a kind of sizable age difference between partners in a relationship. How is that caregiving role going to work later on in life, or even if there's not a big age gap there? And so put everything kind of on the table the dreams, the responsibilities, all the things early so that you can prevent any surprises down the road. And the long term care question really is an important one here, because many LGBTQ+ couples don't have children or maybe fully supportive biological families like, you know, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, that kind of thing.

Speaker1:
And so you got to plan for the long term. You got to plan for illnesses, caregiving, long term insurance, disability, medical decision makers. You got to plan for all of those things. And that's essential. You've got to make sure that you have a plan. Maybe you have something like an advanced directive so that the medical decisions in the moment, you can make those ahead of time. So if this happens, I want this to happen. You don't have to leave that up to people who can be, you know, very emotional at a time when maybe a tragedy is occurring or has just occurred. And it takes that off the table. Another huge one is to review your beneficiaries on all of your accounts together. Together. This one is like, to me, a non-negotiable. It's one of those things I always will say that everything is so customizable, right? And it has to do so much with you and with your own personal situation. This is one of those things because, you know, it can be very different for for people. But the actual act of doing this, I think, is something that everyone needs to do. It's one of those rare things, and it's like everybody has to do this one thing, and that is to review your beneficiaries together, review those beneficiaries. And so, you know, a lot of LGBTQ+ people will have outdated beneficiaries from years ago, whether it was an old relationship, maybe your former partner or your former spouse is still your beneficiary.

Speaker1:
You don't realize it. Um, maybe, you know, it was before marriage equality and so you couldn't put someone on as a beneficiary. So you had to put somebody else and you want to change that now. And beneficiary forms, those override wills. So you can have a will where there's a will there isn't necessarily a way. Because if you have a beneficiary designated on an account that's going to override said will. So you got to review those old 401. Maybe any pensions you might have life insurance, annuities any payable on death accounts, anything like that. Make sure that the beneficiaries align with your current wishes and situation. And before you do anything else in your financial life, update those beneficiaries, because that is one action that protects your spouse or your partner, or your chosen family or whomever, more than just about anything else that really is so, so important. And so, you know, if you're listening to the show and you're thinking, okay, we need to start doing this. Um, but how in the world do we even get started in doing all of these different things and talking about this and having these conversations? Just start it with a free consultation with me. Um, what you hear is what you get. What you see is what you get on this show.

Speaker1:
This is the way that that I am. Ask anybody who is a client of mine who I work with or anybody who knows me. I'm just kind of this cheesy guy who cares about you and about your finances, and about making sure that you can have that retirement that you can take pride in. We can get those those accounts organized. We can review those beneficiaries. We can make sure that your plan actually reflects your current situation, your life, your relationship. Take pride in retirement. Com is the website. Take pride in retirement. Com or call 85524692178552469211. All right. So let's talk about before we we go here in kind of the last part of the show, something that is really uniquely important for LGBTQ+ adults and that is communicating with your family of origin. Right. The people you come from and the people you have gone to, maybe your chosen family. Um, not everybody listening has a supportive biological family and so also, you know, not everyone listening has children that they can rely on in retirement. Who's going to take care of me when I can't take care of myself? The dog. You know, I mean, it's it's for me right now. That's pretty much kind of kind of it. If it's, uh, you know, my, uh, it's just me and my husband, and, you know, we got a couple of dogs and too many cats. But the four legged friends aren't going to do you too much good caring for you in retirement.

Speaker1:
So you got to face that question. Not everybody feels safe sharing their financial plans widely either. And so your communication strategy again let's show all about communication. The communication strategy and legal documents really do matter. And so when your family your biological family is supportive, that family of origin is supportive. Keep them in the loop. Share with them. Communicate with them who your executor is the executor of your your will or your estate, so to speak, who your power of attorney is, what your long term care wishes are, who to contact in case of emergency, those things and more. And those conversations should be clear. They should be warm. They should be honest. They should not be contentious in any way. Now, when your biological family or the family that you come from is not supportive, you are empowered to choose who is involved in your financial life. You know, if these people have not been involved in your life period, then they don't get to be involved in your financial life because that's a choice that they've made, not a choice that you've made, right. And so for many LGBTQ+ adults, this means naming your partner or a trusted friend as a power of attorney. For example, should you become incapacitated? Keeping documents updated, making sure that those beneficiaries are designated properly. Storing all of the documents that you have securely, where you know where they are and they are safe.

Speaker1:
Communicating only what's necessary with that biological family or that family of origin. Making sure that you know, if there's something that is a need to know that they know it. But if they have, you know, cut off communication with you a long time ago. Again, that's the decision they've made. Let the legal paperwork speak on your behalf. That's another thing to do because you're not being dramatic here. You're being prepared, right? You're kind of doing the opposite of being dramatic in a way. And Chosen family really is one of the greatest strengths of the LGBTQ+ community. I mentioned it all the time, but, you know, if you expect those friends to help later in life, they need clarity about that. They need to know that and should talk openly about that. Who's going to advocate for you, who you want to be involved in your healthcare decisions, who might take on those caregiving roles, who needs to access documents. Because, again, the clarity today, that communication, that clear communication today prevents the chaos that could come your way tomorrow and then communicate those expectations gently. You know, you use language like, here's what I'm hoping for, or I want to make sure that you're comfortable with this role, or this is how I hope things will go if something happens to me. Don't use demanding language. Use gentler language like that. Those conversations are acts of love.

Speaker1:
They're not just logistics, so treat them as such. And so, you know, if you feel inspired to start these conversations or you maybe you realize your documents, your beneficiary designations are out of date, reach out the consultation. That initial consultation is absolutely free of any cost or any obligation. I'll review that situation. Any gaps that might be there will identify those. Help you protect the people that you care about, whether it's a spouse, a spouse, a partner, or your chosen family. Call 85524692118552469211 or visit. Take pride in retirement comm. You do not have to figure out all of this alone. All right, so big takeaway this time. Communication matters. It is the foundation of a great retirement plan, especially in the LGBTQ+ community, because our families and our journeys are unique and they're beautifully unique, but they are definitely unique. So reach out to me and we'll get those conversations started for you. All right. Well, that's going to do it for this edition of Take Pride in Retirement. Thanks so much for being a part of things. As always, I'm Matt McClure, your host, your advisor, your friend, your pal and your confidant. I appreciate you being a part of things every time the show airs or runs or downloads or whatever in the world, you'd want to say, uh, but I really, really do appreciate it very, very much. All right, well, until next time. Take pride in yourselves and take care of each other. We'll see you then.

Speaker2:
Thanks for listening to Take Pride in Retirement. Members of the LGBTQ+ community deserve to work with a fiduciary financial advisor who puts their needs first. To schedule a free, no obligation consultation with Matt McClure and the team at Active Wealth Management, call (855) 246-9211 or go online to take pride in retirement. Com investment advisory services offered through Brookstone Capital Management LLC. Bcm, a registered investment Advisor, BCM and Active Wealth Management Incorporated are independent of each other. Insurance products and services are not offered through BCM, but are offered in sold through individually licensed and appointed agents.

Speaker1:
Registered investment advisors and Investment advisor representatives act as fiduciaries for all of our investment management clients. We have an obligation to act in the best interest of our clients and to make full disclosures of any conflicts of interest. Please refer to our firm brochure, the ADV two, item four for additional information.

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